Singleness: Me, Myself and...

The other day I had the privilege of attending the wedding of a dear friend. It was a beautiful ceremony and I appreciated how the gospel message was explicitly proclaimed. I am so happy that this friend has found the love of her life and (more importantly) that their relationship strives to place Christ first.

I personally love going to weddings. I think that they are fun and joyful events. However, after living in a Christian environment for the past four years and attending several weddings there is a temptation to be discontent, covetous, apathetic and even critical when it comes to couples, engagements and weddings. I want to focus on the theme discontentment. This is something that I have observed in myself and in what comes out of others. I can only speak from a woman’s perspective, but I think men will be able to relate (in some ways at least) to my thoughts on this. Hopefully what I say will be encouraging to singles and to people who are in relationships.

At the Bible school that I attend marriage is often over-emphasized. In my opinion, the focus of marriage and the search for a significant-other becomes an Idol. Friendships with the opposite sex become something that should lead to more instead of healthy, Christ-centred friendships. This is not the way that it should be! Personally, I am quite content with being single. I know that I am blessed whether I am single or in a relationship. Unfortunately, this is not something that I am often encouraged in. Lately I have had to listen to several friends voice complaints or comments about being single. I have listened to other women talk about how they love the Lord so much, yet ninety-percent of their conversation revolves around boys and relationships. Sometimes it seems as if the purpose of being a woman who loves the Lord is to find a man who loves the Lord. When this happens I feel utterly defeated, as if the focus of my life should be to find a man. If I don’t have a man I am a failure and there must be something wrong with me. This is an extremely disillusioned mindset! We should not be loving Christ in order to receive benefits from him (especially ones that are fleeting and worldly)! We should love God because he is God and through a relationship with him we get God! This is far more than we deserve!

The truth is that I have several dreams and plans. These plans do not rely on another person; on a mortal idol that provides me with no hope. These dreams require a God that is far greater than any man. My plans only have purpose if YHWH is the reason for them. My path involves the guidance of the Holy Spirit. My devotion must be to a man who was willing to die for me. This is the greatest man who has ever lived. He will come again! Before this man returns I want to be ready. I want to love him as deeply as possible. I want to accept his love and love others because of his love.

Single (and non-single) friends,

I am asking you to encourage one another in your relationship with God. Please hold each other (myself included) accountable in this area. I want to clarify that I am not against relationships. Relationships with the opposite gender can be so wonderful, but Christ needs to come first! Please take this into account not just in you actions, but in your thoughts, words and deeds. Analyze what is in the depths of your heart. Ask yourselves if Christ is there or if there is something replacing him. We need to be careful about how we influence one another. What is in our hearts is what will come out of us. I hope that Christ is the focus of our hearts and that what comes out of us is pleasing to him and encouraging to others.